Category Archives: Science

Twins Separated At Birth Successfully Reconnected

Conjoined Twins Image

Huntsville, AL – Betsy Green has spent the last 16 years of her life watching her congenital twin sons (previously termed “Siamese twins”), Zach and Tyler, after being surgically separated at birth, lead two distinct and independent lives.  “They hardly spend any time together,” she lamented.  “Zach is such a video-gamer,’ while Tyler is more of a fishing and hunting kind of guy.  They don’t have the same friends, they don’t share a bedroom…. You can barely even tell they’re twins.”

Local surgeon Dr. Gerald Beasley orchestrated a grueling 26 hour surgery to rejoin the two boys’ major organs.  Zach and Tyler now share a heart, liver, stomach, and most of their intestines.  They will each have control of one arm and one leg.  “Sibling bonding time is crucial for proper psychological development” says Dr. Beasley.  “Who knows how these kids might have turned out without each other’s constant support and involvement and intrusion in each other’s lives?”

The doctor also went on to add: “unfortunately, as with any surgery, there are risks and downsides.  The physical toll of a conjoinment surgery has probably taken many years off these boys’ lives…. But at least they will spend the little time they have left in the same body.”  “…and there won’t be any more fighting over who gets to use the shower first before school” Betsy added with a hearty chuckle.

The boys’ father, John Green, is in full support of the surgery. “Now, if Zach finally lands that first date with a cute cheerleader, Tyler will be right there on the date too.  And he can give real time advice and tell Zach some clever lines to keep his date interested,” he said.  “We’re just so thankful that the surgery was a success.  Now these two boys have their entire life ahead of them.”

As the old saying goes – ‘Two heads are better than one.’

Gorilla Embarrassed To Share Common Ancestor With Creationist Ken Ham

Gorilla Embarrassed

San Francisco, CA – Koko the gorilla, famous for her ability to communicate through sign language, recently expressed her embarrassment that she and Ken Ham evolved from a common ancestor.  Ken Ham is a prominent creationist and president of Answers in Genesis, a group which operates the ‘Creation Museum’ in Petersburg, Kentucky.  Koko watched a recording of the 2014 debate between Ken Ham and Bill Nye ‘The Science Guy’ over the origins of planet earth and humanity.

Ken Ham

Ken Ham

“I can’t believe this man is unable to grasp the concept of sharing a common ancestor versus evolving directly from apes,” signed Koko (according to her caretaker).  “And how does he think that all these animals actually fit onto a small wooden boat? It just isn’t feasible.” Koko went on to say how ridiculous it is that Ham thinks that a book written years and years ago is somehow more reliable than scientifically proven carbon dating or geologic and fossil evidence.

Koko also identified molecular biology’s role in evolution, stating “Humans and apes share analogous chromosomes, including a fusion of two ape chromosomes to make human chromosome 2…” At this point, the translator seemed to get confused.  “I think Koko is saying something about embryology, but honestly a lot of this stuff is going over my head…” said the caretaker.

Once Koko got done signing about the technical intricacies of evolution, she went in a more philosophical direction.  “It’s not that I am absolutely sure God doesn’t exist, He might.  If He does exist, I’m sure God used evolution as a tool to get the world to where it is today.”  Such a high level of intelligence and understanding from this creature is truly remarkable; especially considering Ken Ham probably couldn’t learn sign language even if he tried.